A year ago

Last year around this time, I had a doctor's appointment where I was officially diagnosed with Lupus. We were pretty certain that is what we were going to hear from the doctor, but it wasn't nearly as scary hearing it as when I received the original call (3 months earlier) that my lab work showed it was positive for lupus.

Before I was diagnosed, my knowledge of lupus was based on this book that I had just read a month before. While her case is much different and worse than mine, that is all I knew at the time. So, I kind of freaked out when I was originally told that my lab work showed up positive for lupus. Husband can be my witness. I interrupted his lunch meeting with a tearful phone call and he promptly ended his meeting and came home to comfort me--so thankful!!

A lot has happened since my first doctor's visit. I started medication that I take daily. I had many many doctor's appointments because I was 7.5 months pregnant when I was diagnosed. Not fun, but I did get to see my baby girl twice a week:). Husband and I welcomed a healthy baby girl and she had no complications--such an answered prayer!! I had several more doctor's appointments every 3 months just to check to see if I had any flare-ups or if anything had changed. (I have been so blessed to not experience any complications since pregnancy.)

I had no new information coming from my rhuematologist until my last visit (which was in May). She suggested that it would be safest for me not to get pregnant again. What?!?! I knew that being pregnant while having lupus was dangerous, but I didn't realize it was that dangerous. (I think that the Lord really protected my thoughts while I was carrying Madelyn.) Come to find out there were several people that I talked to that were very concerned about me when they heard, because they knew the dangers. Thank you Lord for your protection!!

After that doctor's appointment and talking with husband we decided to get a second opinion. We did and it was the same response. I talked to several wiser people about the whole situation and was amazed at how God used each of them to speak to me.

I can't even begin to express how hard this was to hear and then try to think through. It's not what we wanted. It's not what we had planned. It's not how we envisioned our lives. We wanted more kids. We weren't finished yet. But...

God had been so faithful!!! He has blessed us with 2 beautiful and healthy children. He carried me through a dangerous situation which had a perfect outcome-a healthy baby girl!!

I think about this whole situation fairly often, more because I am selfish and I want more kids. But I am reminded that I don't always get what I want. For whatever reason, this is where we are. And I am learning to be content. (Thankful to my husband who is so good to remind me of it!!) But, it is HARD and will be a continuous process. 

The Lord has a plan and I have to put my trust in Him and stand on His promises!